Be the Fool, Pacifist, Dragon, Princess, or Knight

Loosely fixed to the official pecking order and chain of command is a non-official code of conduct that pampers to social needs; be the actor you have to be, like the cog in the machine, to facilitate harmony among the lab rats that you are. Because people are not shackled and whipped slaves in the modern office, when they are afforded the time and mental space, they can be different things depending on what they have to do. A call centre Muppet can be helpful, sadistic, or plainly inept. A manager can be funny, morose, or a workaholic. People can be almost anything they like until there is a dramatic conflict, which requires people to tactfully play their part: the fool, pacifist, dragon, princess or knight.

The fool, funnily enough, is self-explanatory. You are the fool. There is a problem. How could you possibly fix the problem when, office-idiot that you are, you have no brain? Because there is both a problem and a fool, people will generously try to educate the fool so the problem never ever happens again, ever. The fool may not be so self-assured, but at least they are still employed and the helper momentarily enjoys a giddy righteous high.

The pacifist enters forays with one directive – to end hostilities, encourage all parties concerned to drop their anger and embrace in a unifying pacific hug. This will atomise the room of all negative energies. This kills a roaring conflict in its prime. In the peace-making process the pacifist is fulfilling their little duty, and hopes to be looked upon as that special someone who wishes harm on no one. In fact, the pacifist is the most dangerous person in the office because by gaining so much trust and attention they will reach a critical-mass whereby trust becomes a commodity they will use for their own gain; otherwise acquiring it was a complete waste of time.

The dragon is the active and ambitious monster that must step into a conflict and lay down the law, regardless of their intelligence, position, knowledge and foresight of the situation, and regardless of whether anyone actually wants their opinion. If you’re facing a dragon, let it breath enough fire that it will have to gasp for air, retire to its lair, and re-fuel. If you have to play the dragon don’t play about with kid-gloves: take a big breath and scream down peoples’ necks. Although you may be infringing on the code of civility, you are giving people guidance, a sense of order, and they are taking orders from you. And the dragon can always be blamed later. Dragons don’t mind blame either – they have thick skin.

The princess is not simply the ‘bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, young-thing’ flirting her way through the office to cover of the tracks of her silly mistakes. The princess is the one who needs to be rescued, and like the fool, how can they be blamed for being what they are? People, (fools that they are) like to rescue the princess from situations by intervening and playing the charming knight.  Playing the knight is chivalrous, yet true knights never rescue an annoying princess twice, and if they do they face a role reversal – knight becomes fool.