Lock and Load

Competition and conflict are like two hands washing each other, yet competition is regarded as healthy whereas conflict is not. Competition inevitably leads to conflict. Anyone who says your methods of getting what you want ‘lead to conflict, so they are savage, unhealthy and counter-productive’ is probably trying to veil the true nature of their invasive and stealthy attack on you to keep you out of the competition. They are misleading you, so that you drown in a swamp of guilt.

Thanks to the violent history our civilisation rests on, we wish to be at peace and hope friction in our life just simmers away, evaporating into a fluffy cloud of peace. The days of skull smashing tribal feuds, aristocratic pistol duelling and good old arm wrestling are over, because the pen is sharper than the sword, and a lot healthier. But conflict is a constant, and in the office it emerges as subversive conflict. On the one hand we want to run into the car park and swing our fists, but on the other we’re trying to be civil and being civil means getting what we want in other ways, though they might not be pacifist.

Though first impressions may scare you, people really do mean well. They are working for the supreme cause: keep the boss happy and the organisation earning money. Although these two fundamentals unite staff, they also create the greatest of competition: what if someone considers their knowledge superior, and concludes they have the best ideas, so they garner favour from a manager, deliberately making your ideas appear worthless? What happens when friendly competition turns into open conflict? Beat the war drum, have a little a war dance, pray to your ancestors for safety in battle, and load your brain full of information to counteract your foe. Knowledge is the key to a chest full of fabulous riches and everyone wants to own it.
Remember that everyone has a secret weapon, an ace up their sleeve, a reason to think they’re invincible. But they also have an Achilles heel, and most importantly a grudge to bear. Rivals will fight tooth and nail over shared yet scarce resources; cannon fodder will thwart ambitious fuckers by withholding information. Enemies sew the seed of conflict in the most benign of ways and watch with pleasure as weeds grow between the best of friends (not because they have some sort of strategy – they do it because they can). On the outside all staff are your friends, so beware when civility extends too far – an office glimmering with icy smiles is rich with warmly stabbed backs.

Because from one day to the next you do not know what form conflict will take and how it may damage you, you must live day to day knowing that shit can hit the fan at any moment. For the discipline of science this unpredictability is called entropy. This does not entail walking down the office hallway with an erect back, notebook and pen ready to note any malicious detail; it means that every day you must be aware of your position in relation to each of your required tasks. Your best defence is to observe and be aware. This arms you with the greatest weapon and tactic you could ever wish for – flexibility. Your instinct senses conflict, and gives you time to decide whether to be defensive or on the offensive. You might also simply want to observe someone else’s conflict unfolding like a set-piece naval battle of titanic proportions. When people know you are aware, they will not implicate you in petty conflicts.

Before all else, be armed – Niccolo Machiavelli